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Every single and lonely millennial is on at least two dating apps. Without them, it would be impossible to meet someone at a Time Out -approved Bavarian beer hall pop-up and split an Uber home for profoundly disappointing sex. The amount of rutting you can actually get done off these apps, though, is entirely dependent on how much effort you can bear to put in—whether you're willing to reply to inspired openers like "hey" and "hi" and "where do you live??? However, what you must learn is that, despite their advertised convenience, all dating apps will disappoint you.

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